So you’re happily, or maybe not so, just drifting along with a relationship and then BAM one day it’s over? …
You’ve gone through the stages of shock, grief and then eventually after healing time, you can sit back and reflect. I was chatting to a friend earlier; we have both had some similar experiences in the past. I think we both agreed, you generally have some gut instinct it’s not going right, but when is that EXACT moment when denial and reality collide and ggiiirrll you have to wake up and smell the coffee; this relationship is over?!
The major signposts:
Something just doesn’t feel right: What is it? Paranoia, or your gut instinct? Listen to your gut and ignore your paranoia. What the heck are you on about? I hear you say. Paranoia in this sense , is a low self-esteem issue. So, someone cheated on you on a previous relationship or something. Whereas, instinct, once you learn to listen to it will help. You know that feeling when something isn’t right, or it’s too good to be true? Well, you might just be bang on. Think about this feeling. You have and isolate any “I’m not good enough” thoughts. Why are you feeling the way you do?
You catch him out: Ouch! Could he really have done that to you? You had an instinct, he’s been distant, been keeping his phone out of sight. You take it upon yourself too see what he’s up to. Your suspicions are confirmed. At this stage you could decide to “make it work”. Would you really want to make that work? Move on!
He tells you it doesn’t feel right, then gives you mixed messages: My first question is why? He doesn’t want or love you, so why doesn’t he walk away? Your answer may be “Oh because deep down he loves me, but he’s a bit overwhelmed/we moved too fast…” Think why isn’t he (whatever)? Can’t afford it? Too scared of being on his own..? Stop prolonging the inevitable. Next!
Shall we just be friends? Massive alarm bells ring! My boyfriend suggested this early into our relationship, as he didn’t know what I wanted. I had been hurt and had massive barriers up; he had no idea. We had chat and realised we wanted the same thing. Just be careful as to the reasons why he wants to just be friends…
When you no longer care: Why on earth are you staying in the relationship then? Get out of there ASAP! Just be nice and respectful and set them free.